My darn cat uses anything as a blinking scratching post,
The side of my chair, and my bed, is the place she scratches most,
The TV set, the carpet, and my expensive patio doors,
Nothing is safe from those bloody villainous claws.
She scratches the shed, and the greenhouse, filled with potted plants,
Shes ripped my socks, and jumpers, and torn my underpants,
There's claw marks on the curtains, and teeth marks on the rug,
My special ties been shredded, for a bed to make her snug.
This cats a bloody pest she's scratching all the time,
There's furrows on the lino, bald patches on the shag pile,
My bed sheets are ruined, and my pillows getting sparse,
If I catch her In the act again, I'll boot her up the arse.
My house is ripped to buggery, and I dont know what to do,
I swear If she continues, I'll flush her down the loo,
This bloody stupid clawing is driving me to drink,
My house is torn to pieces, and my mind is on the brink.